


ashy memories

by raspberry_soda



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Caves, Duck Hybrid Alexis | Quackity, El Rapids, Headcanon, Loss of Identity, M/M, Memory Loss, Multi, The InBetween - Freeform, Web Series: Tales from the SMP, Winged Alexis | Quackity, gods get power from the emotions they’re named after and shit, headcanon gods, i’m still bad at tagging im so sorry, karl cries i feel bad for him give the soft boy a break, karl’s library
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raspberry_soda/pseuds/raspberry_soda
Summary: karl entered the inbetween and left with his memory worse than it had ever been before. he’d even begun to forget the ones closest to him.“he had just died, entered two different dimensions, met a god, learned he had no control over his life, and forgotten his name. again.he knew he was losing so much, and he couldn’t even remember what he was losing.”
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs, Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity & Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity/Sapnap, Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	ashy memories

karl opened his eyes, but he was not in the familiar cave under his library like he expected to be. instead, he found himself in a blinding white world. a few weeks ago he would have been scared, but after dying twice, this seemed tame in comparison. 

he got up slowly and stretched, the ache in his side reminding him of the horrors he had just faced. you would think dying would become less terrifying the more it’s experienced, but karl had learned otherwise. as his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw he was standing in a large hallway. the walls were intricately designed with swirling patterns, and grandiose pillars framed the sides. everything was white. opposite of him, a large entranceway towered past the patterns and pillars, beckoning him. he advanced forward slowly, stopping at a vase in the center of the room holding a small black hellflower. ash fell from its delicate dark petals like snow, and it stood out captivatingly from the white walls. karl was hit with an overwhelming feeling of deja vu, like he had been here and done this before, but he couldn’t fathom how. had his memory gotten so bad that he could forget this place too? he carefully took the flower from its vase and grasped it in his hand for comfort, shaking the disorienting feeling away. 

he reached the large entranceway, finding that it led to more winding passages, all still white. as he moved his foot to progress onward, the toe of his shoe bounced off something. looking down, he found a book on the floor. its cover glowed a soft orange and yellow, dancing like the flames of a friendly fire. karl picked it up, and as soon as he did it broke apart into ash, reconstructing itself in the air a few feet away from his head. the words began to fly off the page and read themselves, narrated by a light, bubbly voice. 

“this is the inbetween,” it began. “a world you’ve been to a few times now. it’s time to comprehend more of what is happening to you, karl.” 

with that, reality began to bend around him. the white world spun until he found himself standing in a black void, colorless besides the twinkling of beautiful green and purple stars. they shone distantly, too far away to touch but close enough to dream of reaching. the book had disappeared, and in its place stood an ashy, ethereal being, with wide, white eyes. they had glowing freckles and large horns, and bubbles full of warm fire circled them in an imitation of hair. they spoke, and their voice was the same voice that had narrated the book. “the inbetween acts as your gateway for traveling in time. it isn’t a dimension you’re familiar with, but in some senses it’s a home away from home.” they motioned with their hand and karl’s eyes followed. a crack formed in the void and opened to reveal a view of the white reality he had been standing in a moment before. “the key to you grasping more of an understanding on your time traveling abilities is within this gorgeous castle you will soon get to traverse.” 

they looked back at karl and he began to speak hurriedly, unable to stop himself. “why did you bring me there? is it safe there? am i stuck here?” he had so many questions to ask, and each fought to leave his mouth first. 

they put up a finger to stop him and grinned. “fear not, this is not a place to provoke harm, but a place to feel at ease.“

once again, reality swirled around karl until he found himself back within the blinding white of the castle. he still had the hellflower clutched in his hand, and looking at it calmed him. he could feel the texture of the stem on his hand, and it reassured him that this was real. 

with nothing else to do, karl moved onward through the castle, choosing a direction at random when options presented themselves. everything was white besides the occasional flame lighting the already bright hallways. finally, the hallway spilled out into a courtyard housing an elegant tree, its trunk and leaves just as white as the rest of the castle had been. two wooden swings peacefully swayed next to the trunk. the tree emanated a powerful calm karl hadn’t felt in a long time. entranced, he drew closer and sat down, swinging gently in time with the leaves. next to him sat another book, its fiery cover identical to the one he had encountered earlier. he picked it up and opened it, careful to keep the hellflower in his hand safe. this time, the book remained in his grasp and allowed him to read. 

_you don’t get to choose when you time travel or when you return, but you already know that, and that is something that will remain true. something that doesn’t need to remain true however, is your body’s deterioration._

karl was surprised how calm he remained at the mention of his greatest fear. the tree’s calming effect was powerful. he continued to read. 

_i know that every time you time travel, you lose more and more understanding on who you are. this is something that you can absolutely solve in the future. i can guarantee if you explore this castle enough, you will one day know what to do to stop losing yourself and have a better control over your mind._

_good luck._

karl stared at the last words for a moment before closing the book and pushing himself off the swing. he put the book back in its place, starred at the beautiful tree for a long moment, and ventured back into the long hallways of the castle. there was no rhyme or reason to his direction. his mind, which had been racing with questions in the void, was now completely still, replaced with hope. if he only stayed here long enough, all his worries would be solved. he was certain of it. 

after walking for a short while, he encountered another book sitting on a windowsill, which turned to ash at his touch as the first book had. he continued his journey down the hallway, the bubbly voice echoing around him once again. their tone still possessed an upbeat quality, but an element of seriousness was placed overtop. 

“i will leave you with one clear objective. you do not have a choice in the matter. you will continue to time travel, and you will continue to regroup back here in the inbetween. but you must continue to write along the way. the preservation is worth every second of your time. these stories are important to understanding what the world is and who you are.

“til next time, enjoy yourself.” although he couldn’t see them, karl could hear the smile in their tone. “i hope to see you back here soon.”

karl stopped walking as he realized he had reached a dead end. he was in a tower, and each wall contained a window capturing a scene more beautiful than the last. he moved to one overlooking the castle, taking in its grandiose towers, sloping rooftops, and sprawling bridges. every aspect of the castle was white, and its brightness glittered perfectly in the sky that held both a sunset orange and vibrant sky blue. it was the most beautiful thing karl had ever seen. 

he spotted the courtyard with the striking tree he had sat next to, and it still radiated a calm energy that numbed karl’s mind. he knew he should have felt more in that moment, but the more the tree’s white branches swayed the more karl felt detached from all emotion. the inbetween was not a place that allowed for anything but calm, he supposed. lost in thought, his eyes grew heavy, and he gently drifted off to sleep. 

———————————————

he woke up in a dark cave with a jolt, taking in a sharp breath and exhaling shakily. strong emotions that that he hadn’t noticed before buried him under their weight, trapping his breath in his throat. tears fell from his eyes before he could stop them as his vision warped, unable to handle the transition from blinding white to cold darkness. the terror, sadness, and confusion mixed together and pressed down on his tired limbs. more tears fell from his eyes, his mind filled only with haunting memories. he had just died, entered two different dimensions, met a god, learned he had no control over his life, and forgotten his name. again. 

he knew he was losing so much, and he couldn’t even remember what he was losing. 

with a shudder, he choked back his tears and forced himself to get off the ground, to keep going. he went towards the ladder that he knew led out of the darkness and to his library above. as he reached to climb up, he realized the hellflower was still grasped in his hand. he looked at it for a moment, watching the ash fall from the petals softy. he climbed one handed, keeping the flower safe. 

entering the library, he saw a wooden sign on the wall with sloppily carved letters reading: “karl’s library :]”

his name was karl. that was a start at least. the smell of books and wood flooded his senses, comforting him, and he wiped his eyes with his sleeve. grabbing two empty books from a shelf, karl sat down, gingerly setting the hellflower on a small desk next to him. then, reaching for his quill, karl began to write. he recounted his experience traveling to the past, describing the large mansion and the flickering lights and the murders and the fear. he recounted the crimson vines weaving their way through the hidden room and the sword going through his side as he tried to escape and the terror that he had felt. he quickly closed that book and grabbed the next, glad to be finished recounting those events. he began to write again. 

_diary #2. the inbetween, a place i don’t quite understand. i feel like i’ve been there before, but i can’t put my finger on it._ he paused, then flipped to the next page. _i can’t keep losing my memory, and it seems like every time i go to the inbetween it happens. but i can’t just stop going._ he remembered what the voice had told him. _“you do not have a choice in the matter. you will continue to time travel, and you will continue to regroup back here in the inbetween.”_

he kept writing. _but... maybe there’s more to that place that i’m just unaware of. i have to keep looking deeper and deeper into the inbetween so i can find my way to ensure that i don’t lose everything that’s so close to me. i will find every way possible to ensure that no matter what, i can do my part to bring happiness to these lands. one preserved story at a time._

he was startled when a tear fell onto the corner of the page. karl hadn’t noticed he was crying again. 

_don’t forget yourself._

karl put down the quill, shut the book, and picked up the other, placing both in their respective places. he sat back back down in the chair, picked up the hellflower, and brought his knees tightly to his chest. 

succumbing to the building pressure he felt pooling in his head, he let himself cry again for a long time, letting his emotions swallow him whole. 

slowly, he built up the courage to get up again. with nothing else to do he left his library, pushing back the shelves that hid its entrence and escaping into the daylight. he realized he had forgotten where his home was. he had nowhere to go. 

“karl?” a voice called out from the wooden path to his side, and karl turned to look. the voice’s owner had had dark hair kept off his face by a headband, casual clothes, and a self-assured way of carrying himself that karl couldn’t help but admire. “karl, where have you been? good to see you!” the person beamed, and his subtle blue eyes sparkled as he did.

karl realized he didn’t remember who this was. he began to panic. he wracked his brain as they came closer. he knew they were important to him. he felt guilty for forgetting him. he could remember he was comforting, and stubborn, and strong. 

nick. nick. this was nick. 

maybe. 

“nick?” karl whispered the name, so afraid of being wrong. 

“nick? you never call me that. everyone here’s been calling me sapnap for a long time now.” 

karl wanted to cry again, and he began to sway in place as broken pieces of memories rushed at him. sapnap rushed over, placing his hands on the sides of karl’s arms to stabilize him. his deep blue eyes searched karl’s face, and he looked concerned and sad. his voice softened. “are you okay?” 

karl wasn’t sure how to answer. being asked if you’re okay can be difficult when you’re not sure of it yourself. he stayed silent, looking down at his hands. there, he found the hellflower still in his grasp. 

“this is for you.” karl reached out his hand, offering sapnap the flower. it was all he could think to do. sapnap gently let go of karl and took it, his eyes filling with wonder as he marveled at its otherworldly appearance. karl smiled, watching sapnap. even with his memory fading, he could still appreciate moments like this. 

sapnap looked back at him. “okay, clearly you don’t wanna answer if you’re okay. which i get. but you look like shit, no offense. let’s get you back home.” he ruffled karl’s messy hair, and karl smiled again. 

the two made their way back to wherever home was, and karl was careful to let sapnap lead the way. sapnap mentioned the location’s name being el rapids, which brought back memories of laughter and fighting and warmth. even in the cold of february, karl felt warmer now than he had inside his library. 

karl and sapnap climbed a hill and made their way towards a small house, where sapnap cupped his hand and called to someone inside. “alex?” no reply. “ALEX QUACKITY! get out here!” 

someone who karl assumed to be alex emerged from the house in a frenzy. he had a blue jacket, straight black hair that could barely be seen under his beanie, and small yellow duck wings that were flared out at his sides. he held a pile of wooden logs in his hands and a furious expression. whatever he had been doing before had covered everything from his hair to his wings in soot. “don’t fucking shout at-“ he dropped the logs. “KARL!” alex ran at karl with a huge grin and embraced him, covering him in soot too. both of them burst out laughing. memories rushed back to karl of alex’s antics and hysterical laughter. karl hugged him back as tightly as he could. alex clutched him tighter. “i missed you, karl.”

sapnap wrapped his arms around both of them. “we missed you.” 

karl held them close and pushed away the thoughts of time travel, or the inbetween, or the fiery god, or the fear. this was what he wanted to remember. this was what was worth remembering. he refused to forget sapnap or alex. he couldn’t let himself forget them. 

but as he looked into the window of the house, he saw a vase holding a small hellflower with a note that read: “from karl :]”

karl looked and saw sapnap’s flower was still in his hand. 

he didn’t remember the other flower. 

he reflected on his memories again, and he began to notice how many holes there were riddled in them. he remembered so little in comparison to what he should. 

he had already begun to forget them. 

he had to get his memories back.

———————————————

hope giggled, the bubbly flames circling their head glowing brighter as they watched the scene unfold though a tear in the void. 

connection was next them, exasperated. “hope,” her voice warned, “what are you doing to that mortal?” 

“i’m showing him more about himself and his world.” hope moved energetically, dancing between the green and purple stars. 

connection watched them, irritated. “he’s losing himself. he’s going to lose his strongest connections.” her voice rose. “i’ve already lost so much from this land, even from my own worshipers. how much more do you want to take from me?” 

“my intent is not to take anything from you. i’m just giving him a hope for his future.” hope grinned. 

connection glared at them. she had known hope for millennia, and she knew them well. “if you’ve given him a false hope, i will be angry.” 

hope’s grin remained.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading my second work! i still have no fucking idea what i’m doing and i really appreciate it <3333
> 
> a side note, connection and hope are part of my headcanon gods of the dream smp! i’ll probably write more with them in the future :)


End file.
